This feels very personal. Don’t read it.

breathe in, breathe out.

Open your eyes.

Reboot.

Did it work? Well, for the first two days I thought so, since from the moment I stepped out of the plane (after sleepingthrough the entire flight, I don’t even remember takeoff) and breathed the warm air that felt like home, I stopped thinking of absolutely everything. I just shut down my mind and relaxed, took in the sea and the air and the heat and the food and my family and my cats and my home and the peace and it felt wonderful.

But somehow, it didn’t last. After those first two days, bit by bit, I began to get sucked back into being this hot mess that I feel I am right now. And I do not know why this is happening, I really don’t know. But somehow I cannot fully relax anymore, cannot get myself to lose all that piled up tension I seem to be carrying around, cannot enjoy or appreciate fully everything I have here. 

Last year, I also got back from Germany a mess (I don’t know what it is with summers there, somehow they are wonderfully exciting and terribly wearing out at the same time). And again, being back in Crete somehow, slowly, made it all go away. This time, it seems like I just can not let go completely. It feels more like I have taken a – very healthy, pleasant – step back from all that was weighing down on me. But it has not gone away, not really. It is there, lurking in the background, waiting. And once I get back, it will all jump right back at me again.

I have said before that my life seems to repeat itself in a sublte, very weird way. Of course, nothing is truly the same, and everything seems to go down much faster. I do not do well with this accelerated tempo. I do not do well with speed in general. Maybe that’s what it is. Everything just whizzes by and is over before I have time to react,  leaving my behind doing what I always do even though I know it does me no good: overthinking instead of thinking over.

I know this all sound very complaintive. And honestly, I am still not sure if I really want to publish it, since it is so negative, when all around I see nothing but pretty, inspired, cheerful, summery blogposts. Also, it has by no means been a bad summer or anything, I am having quite a good time actually. But this is what is going through my mind right now and hopefully it will not as much anymore after I got it out on here. I had actually written another quite long post a few weeks ago, but something went wrong with the draft-saving and I lost it all. Maybe I will try to reconstruct parts of it over the next days. I have exactly 13 days to go and even though I still have a lot not only on my mind but also on my to-do list, I will try to go by the never-too-late way of thinking and do my best to lose some of that tension and let go all the stupid stuff I shouldn’t be stuck with in the first place.

This was a very diary-like post. I haven’t written anything in ages again, I was going through a massive creative block. But whenever I did think about writing something (and believe me, I have, I just never managed to find the right way to put it down), it was more and more going back to this. Let’s see if it sticks.

=^.^= Koneko.

what caught my eye today: it was actually a while back when I was in Athens; like you could ever find the PERFECT blue hair here… It really was perfect, a wonderful, shimmering in the sun, probably freshly dyed in the best shade imaginable ponytail of blue ♥

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gintonic für 3 euro

Und ich hab immer noch nichts von Berlin erzählt. Dabei gibt es so viel zu erzählen, so viel, an das ich ständig denken könnte, weil es mich lächeln lässt.

Shit, es fahren keine Bahnen mehr. Dann laufen wir doch einfach durch halb Berlin, mitten in der Nacht. Durch die leeren Straßen, durch die Stille. Vorbei an Ratten und Füchsen und armen Polizisten die Nachtschicht haben. Klettern auf Kähne in der Spree und diskutieren alte und moderne Architektur.  

 In der Morgensonne auf der Museumswiese dösen, Leute beobachten, über Kunst- und Buchmärkte spazieren. 

Wenn ich an das kleine Mädchen denke, dass in den Pausen allein auf dem Schulhof gespielt und gehofft hat, dass es keiner merkt… Ich weiß nicht was sich geändert hat. Aber irgendwo dazwischen hat sie sich verändert. Sie ist zwar immer noch ein kleines Mädchen, aber sie spielt nicht mehr alleine. Irgendwann, irgendwie hat sie gelernt, wie man sich einfügt, immer und überall. Sogar im großen, wunderbaren Berlin.

Ein kleiner, unscheinbarer Eingang in die wunderbare Welt italienischer Küche und uralter Musikvideos. Eine Gasse, die anstatt in eine crack-Höhle, zu einem Kino führt. Und ein Mann, der einfach auf der Straße steht und Opernlieder singt. Erstaunlich gut sogar. 

                                                                       

Spätabendliches (griechisches?!) Frühstück mit den Rezeptionisten; “Probier mal, was fehlt noch?” – Honig! Nutellaschmuggel für das richtige Frühstück. Unnötige Kerzen auf den Tischen verteilen, forcing some romance on the people. 

Zugegeben, Hostels machen es einem nicht besonders schwer. Je länger man dort ist, desto mehr Leute sieht man kommen und gehen. Australien, Kanada, Frankreich, Brasilien. Alle bleiben nur ein paar Tage und alle freuen sich über Gesellschaft. Wo willst du heute hin? Klar, ich komme mit. Freundschaften für einen Tag. one night friendships. Niemand bleibt. Nur ein paar verwackelte Fotos vor dem Friedrichsstadtpalast. Mit Menschen, die man unter anderen Umständen nie kennen gelernt hätte. Und dann merkt man, dass man sich mit diesen Leuten wirklich gut versteht. Und am Sonntag sind sie wieder weg. 

Sich auf dem Weg zu dieser einen Bar fast verirren, weil “ich den Weg kenne – theoretisch”; Wir laufen also durch die Straßen, unterhalten uns, lachen, schauen uns Kunstausstellungen durch die Fenster an. Zum Alexanderplatz und zurück. “Oh schau mal, ein Spielplatz!” – “Lass mal nach Spritzen suchen” – “Das war jetzt nicht so spektakulär wie erwartet”. Ein Schritt. Klick. 

Es ist faszinierend, so viele Kurzeinblicke in so verschiedene Denkweisen, verschiedene Welten zu bekommen. Neue Erfahrungen, neue Sichtweisen. So können die Dinge auch aussehen. Es macht Spaß, mit Leuten loszugehen, die Berlin genauso wenig kennen, und in den verrücktesten Ecken zu landen. Mal über andere Witze zu lachen.  Aber irgendwann wird es auch anstrengend, jeden Tag neue Namen, zum hundertsten Mal “Woher kommst du? Was bringt dich nach Berlin?”. Dann fehlen einem bekannte, geliebte Gesichter, die alten Insiderwitze.

Es wird schon langsam hell. Alles hat geschlossen, sogar “Pommes-Mandy”. Nur der Falafelmann ist noch da und macht sauber. Er schenkt uns einen ganzen Korb kalte Falafel gegen den drohenden Hangover. Dann sitzen wir einfach nur da auf der roten Couch, essen Falafel und warten bis wir müde genug sind um schlafen zu gehen. 

 =^.^= Koneko.

what caught my eye today: There is a lightpost in the furthest corner of the unversity grounds. I doubt that it works, but then again I also doubt anybody would ever need it to. Talk about pointless.

 

Here we go. Berlin. Alexanderplatz.

 

 

 

 

I sat there for hours. Reading. But mostly watching the people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then there were the chalk drawings on the floor. I imagined it was a group of young people sitting there in the middle of the night. Until at some point they had the idea: hey, lets draw something all over the square. So they got some chalk and did just that. They wrote their names. And words. And little sketches.

 

And it got me thinking. About how innocent chalk is. How it makes the drawings on the ground look childish. And how it makes them temporary. If you drew the same thing with spray cans and with a piece of chalk, they could not seem more different I think.

 

Then there is the train station Alexanderplatz. Whis is basically awhole little world in itself. Crowded and busy and underground, like an ant colony. Huge. You could easily get lost in there and just as easily stay there forever, beginning a new life among millions of people passing by. It’s scary when you think about it.

 

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: I just reembered a scene from home, when my mom was taking some close up pictures of my cat Jackie. I think I have never seen a cat look into the camera so intensely, so calmly, and for so long. But Jackie loves the camera. And the camera loves him.

Έλα να χαθούμε σε σενάρια…

Νοσταλγία 

Την περασμένη Παρασκευή ανακάλυψα πως το μικροσκοπικό Γκερμερσχάιμ έχει έναν αντίστοιχα μικροσκοπικό- κρατηθείτε – κινηματογράφο! Είναι από τα πιο όμορφα  και απρόσμενα μέρη που ανακάλυψα μέχρι τώρα στο χωριό. Μπορεί να αποτελείται από μια μόνο αίθουσα, αλλά καλύπτει όλα τα βασικά: τη μεγάλη οθόνη με τη μπλε κουρτίνα, πολλές σειρές με αναπαυτικές κόκκινες καρέκλες και ένα μελό όνομα από αυτά που για κάποιο λόγο έχουν όλα τα παλιά/μικρά σινεμά – ΡΕΤΖΙΝΑ. Δυστυχώς, είναι κλειστός. Χρησιμοποιείται μόνο περιστασιακά για διάφορες εκδηλώσεις. Τόσο κρίμα.

Αν δεν ήταν κλειστά, θα πήγαινα συνέχεια. Το ΡΕΤΖΙΝΑ έχει χαρακτήρα, είναι από αυτά τα μέρη που πας μόνος σου ή/και με μικρή και εκλεκτή παρέα, κάθε βδομάδα ας πούμε, και βλέπεις επιλεγμένες και ιδιαίτερες ταινίες, μακριά από Twilight και τα σχετικά, με συνοδεία από ποπκόρν και κρασί.  Δε θα με χάλαγε να πληρώνω, θεωρώ πως τα όμορφα πράγματα αξίζουν την υποστήριξη αυτή.

Ίσως το Γκέρμερσχάιμ θα έπρεπε να αποκτήσει μια νέα λέσχη κινηματογράφου. Ο χειμώνας είναι μακρύς και απαισιόδοξος αν κάθεσαι στο παράθυρο να κοιτάς το χιόνι να πέφτει.

=^.^= Koneko.

Υ.Γ.: μαρέσει να περπατάω όταν χιονίζει, μέρα και νύχτα. Μια απίστευτη γαλήνη με κυριεύει αυτές τις στιγμές και με κάνει ευτυχισμένη. 

What caught my eye today: η σκιά μου, για άλλη μια φορά. Λατρεύω να τη βλέπω να με προσπερνάει καθώς περπατάω, μόνο για να εμφανιστεί ξανά πίσω μου το επόμενο κλάσμα του δευτερολέπτου.

I have no idea what I was expecting, but this is not it

This sentence describes pretty well how my entire life is going. And while it sounds so negative, it actually isn’t at all. Not always, anyways. The truth is, that situations hardly ever turn out the way you imagined them, but that doesn’t mean that you dont enjoy the way things happen or learn anything from it.

These days though the sentence seems to have kind of a disappointed edge for me, which, to tell you the truth, is the last of all things that I had been expecting  about university.

However I am optimistic that everything will fall exactly into place eventually, one way or another. It always does.

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: In Germersheim, there is water everywhere! There is this little stream that runs through the centre of the town (with all the sweet little bridges crossing it), and in addition there are fountains in like every square. Not to forget about the Rhine, which is very close by too.

East end boys & West end girls

It’s a week now since I’m back fromGermany. It feels like a month. And yet, absolutely nothing has changed while I was away. I actually do nothing but wish for it to become summer, or at least spring, so I can go out without a jacket again, I hate jackets and coats!

One nice thing though was the day we spent inBerlin, with my mother’s friend and her son. I usually don’t like going to large cities with my parents, but this time was fun! I spent quite some time looking out the car window, so here is:

What caught my eye in Berlin!

Holocaust memorial. Sad thing actually that there was the need to even build such a thing, but the tribute to the thousands of eliminated Jews is a pretty impressive monument!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s 2711 concrete blocks you’re looking at, and walking through them really makes you feel a bit depressed – when you think of what it stands for even more so!

East Side Gallery. A piece of the wall that used to separate East andWest Berlinwas repainted by …I’m not sure exactly if it were artists or school classes or whoever. The result of this work however is amazing! About one kilometer of colorful paintings that you can just glance at when driving by in the car, but also walk along the wall and take your time enjoying each piece. Unfortunately the day we went it was really COLD and we didn’t walk all of it :(

 

 

   

 

That was the big things. Then there were lots of little stuff, the usual eyecatchers I put at the end of every post. Of course, since I didn’t bother to write them down. I don’t remember all of them. One thing I saw was that old lady, pushing her walking help thingie (really don’t know what they’re called in English) along the sidewalk.

Another thing I noticed was the girls ofBerlin, and generally inGermany– they all look the same!!! Just like here all the girls look so alike you could take them for clones! Only there they are blondes and wear clothes from C&A instead of Bershka. Sad sad…

That’s it for now… there’s gonna be no eyecatcher in the end today, I think I proved that many things catch my eye ;)

=^.^= Koneko.

 

 

What can happen in a year

I don’t know about Greek TV, but the German channels are filled with reviews of the year 2011; the most emotional TV-moments, the most dramatic happenings, the 50 most spectacular pictures and so on. And since in 2011 happened a lot not only in the whole world, but in my insignificant little existence as well, I thought a review would be a nice thing to do, especially as I’m so much into memories and changes these days (sorry for boring you with that all the time, by the way).

Although the year was over in what felt like 3 months to me, looking back I find that in the actual 12 months it lasted, there happened a lot of things that seem so far away, it’s impossible to imagine they lay back only a few months!

January: I don’t remember anything special, except maybe my start into the New Year, on my best friend’s floor heating, eating self made pizza and watching Disney-classics (which are the best anyway!!!). At about 5am I decided to eat special X-mas  M&Ms and only then discovered that the special about them was that there were only red and green ones. Ah, and there were 2 pretty awesome hip hop seminars, that gave me a whole new perspective on dancing (I terribly regret stopping, as much as I regret eating that whole bag of biscuits this afternoon).

February: a month full of events and fun. I picked up writing again, though still I haven’t finished any of the works I began since then – really bad habit of mine. Carnival was a lot of fun, I went to buy masks with my best friend (I adore those plain masks that cover only the eyes, with simple patterns and bright colors). Then he straightened my hair and when we went out it was raining and they got ruined right away! Also a friend of mine had her birthday party, where I met a few great people (some of them I realized only much later how great they are and others that they really are not).

I just realized that 12 months really are long – and boring to read! So from here on I’ll make it short. There were some great beach parties – and house parties, so parties in general, where i had a lot of fun. I went to Germany over August and lived there all on my own, in the place where I’ll go to study next year. That was an unforgettable time, I enjoyed almost every second of it, even banal things like going shopping in Pennymarkt. I also learned a lot of things, about interpreting and about ‘life’ – that sounds so philosophic, though it really isn’t at all. One sad thing I learned is that wih people you meet on holidays it’s always the same: you promise, you swear to keep in touch, but after 3 weeks that’s all forgotten.

Unfortunately after this dreamlike summer came autumn, and with it the beginning of school. My last year of school. The pure HORROR. I have never studied so much in my life, and probably never will again. But, for the record I have to admit that autumn and winter had some bright days too; days spent with friends and laughter (how rare these days were though is underlined by the fact that I made a post about half of them). And of course, how could I forget, I started blogging:D First I just put a few posts on Alex D’s blog and now I have my own little place to express myself which I enjoy a lot, and I really hope you do too.

All in all (excepting the last two months when school nearly caused a mental breakdown of mine) it was a year worth remembering and thinking back to with joy and a touch of nostalgia. Tomorrow I’ll go visit a friend of mine to celebrate the New Year together. It’s gonna be crazy, she already told me she has a guest from Japan who speaks quite bad German, and this guy has a Japanese friend with him who doesn’t speak German at all. Sounds like fun right? Especially since I absolutely adore the language!

Let’s hope that it will be an appropriate end for a happy time and a good beginning for an even better one.幸せ新しい年 (Shiawase atarashī toshi) – Happy new year! Wish you the best for 2012!

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: the forest paths I walk with my mom almost everyday. They cosist of soil and gravel covered in leaves and moss and if they are not too muddy, these forest walks are wonderful. The skin feels so unbelievably fresh when you get back into the warm afterwards!

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