bacon cheesecake?

A ferrace wheel has appeared on the Old Market Square. When? I DON’T KNOW. How? Out of nowhere? Why? I HAVE NO CLUE. It was just there.
Also, the weather is unbelieveably good. It’s taunting me.

Dear pancaketeers,

I spent the last three days hugging everyone goodbye. Which, at some point, kind of took the sadness off of it. At least a bit. But first things first.

Patch came to visit the weekend before last. It was great, he is the first friend I made here in England, he is hilarious, and hopefully we’ll stay in touch. I basically gave him the same tour as Toast – Batman House, Robin Hood statue, Coffee House and improv. It was, for some reason, as strongly Batman and 50 Shades themed session. Odd, but highly amusing. We also wandered a bit around the posher part of Nottingham, marking the houses I one day want to live in (In case you’re wondering: it’s ALL OF THEM), and had a really early morning walk up to the train station, which was freezing but absolutely worth it! I love this city so much…

The rest of the week was, for the most part, very strange for me. Everyone was incredibly busy while I was practically standing still, sleeping too much and not leaving the house. It made me feel truly horrible, as in my frustration I also started getting upset with people who carried no blame whatsoever. I eventually pulled myself together though, started to do exercises for my knee, cleaning out my room and contemplating first aspects of by BA thesis. In the evenings I would go to the improv troupe’s Small World shows, which were fantastic. I laughed so hard! It also made me feel kind of sad I am not staying longer, because I would’ve auditioned for troupe then. I believe with a bit of proper training I can become good.

Then there was Saturday. Valentines Day. If you think about the cliche idea of it, what should a perfect V-day include? Dinner together, some sort of show/entertainment, dessert, some good alone time, presents/cards/chocolate, and wine. And even though it was a crazy busy day and I had well settled to skipping the lovey dovey stuff whatsoever, I somehow got all these things! And in the best (yet arguably very unconventional) way and order possible. Presents consisted of a hastily scribbled punny card for me and a single small roll of love hearts from me and the wine was the 1/4 bottle that had been standing around the room for weeks at mid-afternoon (I drank it straight out of the bottle too, much to the horror of certain Squirrel Minions of Darkness). Dinner was chips and pie from the local fish and chips store, hastily eaten over the kitchen counter due to time pressure. Dessert consisted of 2 for 1 GU cheesecakes that we ate in the theater before the beginning of the last improv show (entertainment – me in the audience, SMoD in the back, doing the lights). It was perfect!
In the evening there was an after party at the improv house, which was quite fun, albeit quite weird also.

And from then on it was goodbyes as far as the eye can see. Last improv session (a bit disappointing for a last one), finals hugs in mooch. I was really touched by people’s sincerity, expressed in the tightness of hugs. And yesterday, a final round of cards against humanity with people who refused to say goodbye on Sunday. It is really nice to feel so appreciated and loved. It also makes leaving that much harder.

=^.^= Koneko.

PS: pictures shall follow. Maybe. At some point.

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This feels very personal. Don’t read it.

breathe in, breathe out.

Open your eyes.

Reboot.

Did it work? Well, for the first two days I thought so, since from the moment I stepped out of the plane (after sleepingthrough the entire flight, I don’t even remember takeoff) and breathed the warm air that felt like home, I stopped thinking of absolutely everything. I just shut down my mind and relaxed, took in the sea and the air and the heat and the food and my family and my cats and my home and the peace and it felt wonderful.

But somehow, it didn’t last. After those first two days, bit by bit, I began to get sucked back into being this hot mess that I feel I am right now. And I do not know why this is happening, I really don’t know. But somehow I cannot fully relax anymore, cannot get myself to lose all that piled up tension I seem to be carrying around, cannot enjoy or appreciate fully everything I have here. 

Last year, I also got back from Germany a mess (I don’t know what it is with summers there, somehow they are wonderfully exciting and terribly wearing out at the same time). And again, being back in Crete somehow, slowly, made it all go away. This time, it seems like I just can not let go completely. It feels more like I have taken a – very healthy, pleasant – step back from all that was weighing down on me. But it has not gone away, not really. It is there, lurking in the background, waiting. And once I get back, it will all jump right back at me again.

I have said before that my life seems to repeat itself in a sublte, very weird way. Of course, nothing is truly the same, and everything seems to go down much faster. I do not do well with this accelerated tempo. I do not do well with speed in general. Maybe that’s what it is. Everything just whizzes by and is over before I have time to react,  leaving my behind doing what I always do even though I know it does me no good: overthinking instead of thinking over.

I know this all sound very complaintive. And honestly, I am still not sure if I really want to publish it, since it is so negative, when all around I see nothing but pretty, inspired, cheerful, summery blogposts. Also, it has by no means been a bad summer or anything, I am having quite a good time actually. But this is what is going through my mind right now and hopefully it will not as much anymore after I got it out on here. I had actually written another quite long post a few weeks ago, but something went wrong with the draft-saving and I lost it all. Maybe I will try to reconstruct parts of it over the next days. I have exactly 13 days to go and even though I still have a lot not only on my mind but also on my to-do list, I will try to go by the never-too-late way of thinking and do my best to lose some of that tension and let go all the stupid stuff I shouldn’t be stuck with in the first place.

This was a very diary-like post. I haven’t written anything in ages again, I was going through a massive creative block. But whenever I did think about writing something (and believe me, I have, I just never managed to find the right way to put it down), it was more and more going back to this. Let’s see if it sticks.

=^.^= Koneko.

what caught my eye today: it was actually a while back when I was in Athens; like you could ever find the PERFECT blue hair here… It really was perfect, a wonderful, shimmering in the sun, probably freshly dyed in the best shade imaginable ponytail of blue ♥

Pushing pixels into your bad dreams

Let’s just pretend it’s summer…

The weather is awful. Everything seems awful.

Let’s just pretend it’s summer.

Well, not awful. Just gloomy in comparison to what it could be like. Dark. Dull.

Let’s just pretend it’s summer.

Because when the sun shines everything takes a different turn. It is like the lightest timeline where everything somehow works out. Because, even if nothing changes – at least you get a tan.

 

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: The house number 69 on the entrance of a random house along the street. That’s it. I didn’t even think about anything. I just noticed it and then I walked past.

Wiiiiiii

Καλημέρα.

Βασικά ήρθα να πω ότι δεν έχω κανενός είδους συναισθήματα για τη σημερινή γιορτή. Παρόλα αυτά ήρθα εδώ για να γράψω για αυτή κι έτσι να αναγνωρίσω την ύπαρξη της, ακόμη και με τον αδιάφορο αυτό  τρόπο. Αλλά άμα το ίντερνετ γεμίζει με σχετικές ειδόποιήσεις από δυο βδομάδες πριν, είναι και λίγο χαζό να κάνεις λες και δεν ξέρεις τίποτα και το να αγνοήσεις το θέμα εντελώς αποτελεί εξίσου αναγνώριση της ύπαρξής του με το να πας να αγοράσεις 300 τριανάτφυλλα. Ωραίο αυτό που ήρθα να γράψω μια πρόταση και κετέληξα σε μια παράγραφο. Πηγαίνοντας γράφω, δε σκέφτηκα τίποτα από αυτά πιο πριν. 

Αυτό που σκέφτηκα, αφού σκέφτηκα πως δεν έχω να πω κάτι για τη σημερινή μέρα (όντας μια από αυτές που θα πεθάνουν μόνες για να τις φάνε οι 72 γάτες τους – που βρέθηκε αυτό, είναι τελείως άσχετο με το θέμα! Νομίζω το είπα απλά επειδή μου αρέσει σαν φράση. Αν μπορούσα θα είχα και τώρα 72 γάτες. Που να μην με έτρωγαν στον ύπνο μου όμως. Που είχα μείνει?)

Αυτό που σκέφτηκα λοιπόν είναι ότι το Βαλεντίνος είναι πολύ γκέι όνομα. Είναι.
Ίσως θα έπρεπε να είναι η γιορτή των γκέι ερωτευμένων. Νομίζω θα το καθιερώσω έτσι, μαρέσει καλύτερα. Έτσι το όλο πράγμα δε μοιάζει πια με δημιούργημα της σοκολατο- και καρτοβιομηχανίας, αλλά είναι μια μέρα που ένας άντρας μπορεί να πάει να αγοράρει σοκολάτες και κάρτες και λουλούδια για έναν άλλον άντρα (προφανώς ισχύει και για γυναίκες αυτό).

Και να που έχω τελικά κάτι να πω για τη σημερινή μέρα ενώ ξεκίνησα τη μέρα μου με σκοπό απλά να την προσπεράσω γιατί τα Σάββατα είναι πιο ωραία ούτως ή άλλως.

=^.^= Koneko.

ΥΓ: το Βαλεντίνος μπορεί να είναι γκέι και παλιομοδίτικο όνομα (το παλιομοδίτκο το πρόσθεσα τώρα. Ισχύει.), αλλά το Βαλεντίνα είναι πολύ όμορφο. Θα ονομάσω έτσι την επόμενη γάτα μου. Και θα την κάνω δώρο στον Κολλητό.

ΥΓ 2: τζιζ, τι έχω πάθει σήμερα, είναι σαν να μου βάλανε ορό καφεΐνης όσο κοιμόμουν. Ας καθαρίσω το σπίτι όσο κρατάει, γειάααααα

what caught my eye today: ένα πολύ έξυπνο δέντρο. Δεν ήξερε και κβαντική φυσική βέβαια, αλλά κατάφερε να φυτρώσει έτσι ώστε ένα μέρος του κορμού του να στηρίζει ένα άλλο κλαδί το οποίο αλλιώς θα έπεφτε. Και φαίνεται και πολύ όμορφη η όλη κατασκευή. Βραβείο Νόμπελ αυτοσυντήρισης!

ΥΓ3: δεν έχει καμία σχέση με τίποτα, αλλά ΠΟΣΟ σπαστικό να σου μιλάνε άσχετες κυριούλες στο σούπερ μάρκετ ή στο τρένο να σου παραπονεθούνε για οποιαδήποτε μαλακία κι εσύ συμφωνείς με ένα ευγενικό χαμόγελο και πας να βρεις τις ντομάτες αλλά αυτές απλά συνεχίζουνε. Να πάρουν καναρίνι γαμώτο να του τα λένε. Ή παπαγάλο. Να τους απαντάει κιόλας.

Κάτι έχει ο αέρας σήμερα.

Ένα σκοτεινό σοκάκι γεμάτο κακοφτιαγμένα γκράφιτι και σκουπίδια, σε κάποια φτωχογειτονιά στο κέντρο της πόλης. Ο τζάνκι που μόλις αγόρασε ένα σακουλάκι άσπρη σκόνη κι επειδή ήδη παρουσιάζει πρώτα σημάδια έλλειψης δεν κάνει τον κόπο να πάει μέχρι την επόμενη ημικαθαρή δημόσια τουαλέτα ή στο ετοιμόρρωπο διαμέρισμα που μοιράζεται με άλλα δυο πρεζάκια. Στρίβει λοιπόν στο προαναφερόμενο σοκάκι και βγάζει τα υλικά του: το σακουλάκι με την άσπρη σκόνη και το θρίψαλο καθρέπτη που κουβαλάει μαζί του γιατί για να σνιφάρεις χρειάζεσαι μια λοία επιφάνεια – επίσης χαρακώνεται με το γυαλί όποτε τον πιάνει κακή φάση και δεν αντέχει άλλο την πίκρα του αλκοόλ και της ζωης του. Τέλος πάντων, απλώνει τη σκόνη κατάλληλα και σκύβει για να τη σνιφάρει όταν ο αέρας, που στο σοκάκι δημιουργέι ένα συνεχές ρεύμα και κρατάει το σκιερό αυτό μέρος σε υποθερμικές θερμοκρασίες μέρα και νύχτα, φυσάει ένα ελάχιστο δυνατότερα, πιάνει την άσπρη σκόνη, την παρασύρει μαζί του και τη σκορπίζει στην βαριά από καυσαέρια ατμόσφαιρα της πόλης.

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: Μια  κυρία με το σκυλάκι της στο δρόμο. Ήταν καλά εκπαιδευμένο το σκυλάκι, κάθε φορά πριν περάσουν απέναντι η κυρία σταματούσε και το σκυλάκι καθόταν δίπλα της, μέχρι να αρχίσει εκέινη να περπατάει.

on my way home there was this cat and i said hi to her and she answered and then I pet her and talked to her and she enjoyed it so much and then a dog came and scared her and I went to buy apples.

=^.^= Koneko.

what caught my eye today: I looked down from my balcony this morning and saw a banana peel – lying on TOP af a cigarette automat.

Keeping the balance

And I want to write. Write everything down. Word by word, letter by letter. Until everything is said, the whole story along with everything that’s on my mind.

And I want to scream. Scream out all my thoughts. Until everything makes sense.

And I want to laugh, and cry and laugh again until I can’t breathe anymore.

And I want to run. Run until my legs hurt, my lungs hurt, my whole body hurts and still not stop. Never ever stop again. Until everything that upsets me is not there anymore.

But I never do what I want to, and one day, when it is way too late, I will learn that lesson – that keeping stuff to yourself is not always the best way to protect you. Neither is the opposite. I’ve experienced part of both in the last days. Life is hard,who knew.

That’s why I am saying it right now: I’m fine. Of course everything is okay, of course I’m okay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_8UmXv5Xac

=^.^= Koneko.

What caught my eye today: post its that have hung on my wall for so long, that I don’t even see them any more. They could easily disappear right tomorrow, I wouldn’t even notice. Weird how you get used to stuff like this so much.

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